Hope
by Kimmy Malfoy
Summary: Saying goodbye is hard to do... JC


She turned and stared, her eyes watered at the sight she beheld. A lone tear inched its way down her face, following the path of the gentle lines etched there. "Don't cry" she whispered to herself, "don't give in, not now… not after all this". Cursing silently under her breath she retreated. "Damn him" she hissed as the door swished closed behind her. The tears flowed more freely now. Now that she was alone. Was that to be her fate? Alone forever? She threw the lone vase on her desk into the wall. The single peach rose, once sheltered by the vase, was hurled to the ground as the sobs shook her body.   
  
He watched her leave, and barely had time to react as she fled, away from the Astrometrics lab. Another's lips descended upon his, but they were not warm. "Annika's" cold lips touched his, how could he accept her? She was a Borg, no, -the Captain- would say she was human. God- dammit he couldn't accept that. But yet he was kissing her. Perhaps he was no longer trapped under Kathryn's spell... His body responded to Annika as she deepened the kiss, but his thoughts were not with Seven, they were with her. Always with her, he would be forever hers. Forever Kathryn's.   
  
She knew this was bound to happen. Her double had told her, but she didn't want to give into the reality. "Bastard!" she yelled not caring who heard. Why had they grown so distant, why had she gone after Michael and Jaffen, why had she pined over Mark? Why was she such a coward? There was a connection the instant she met him. His beautiful black eyes, staring into her soul. She closed her eyes. If only. If only she told him. It was too late now. Too late for everything. She drifted to sleep and dreamed.  
******   
" So what'll it be Chakotay? Indulge my feelings, hold fast to protocol… what?"  
"Come on Chakotay, we cheated death, that's worth a celebration, don't you think? A bottle of Chapamgne, moonlight sail on Lake George…"   
" Three years ago I didn't even know your name, today I can't imagine a day without you."  
" Surprise me… you have the bridge"  
" Is that really an ancient legend?"  
" I won't need the bath tub… I'll have the river…"  
******  
She awoke, was it too much to say just those three damn words? She'd said a hell of a lot in the last seven years. A hell of a lot, just not enough. She stared forlorn at the ceiling and sighed. It was the end, it was over. She moved toward her desk to access her personal logs. There it was all of it. Her feelings for him, New Earth, the moonlight sail, Mark's letter, the Uni. -Matrix, species 8472, the "year from hell", everything. All she had to do was push the blinking blue button, then it would all be gone. Kathryn would be gone; she would be "Captain" again, the automaton, following Starfleet rules to the tee. It'd been that way all along. She clenched her fists in frustration. Starfleet was everything to her, but it also ruined her, destroyed her. Made her into a cold ice queen. Damn them and their protocol. Damn them… the tears began again.   
  
He walked slowly to his quarters. What had he done? He stared at his feet, ashamed of everything. Ashamed of Kathryn, and his blind devotion for her. The feeling of bitterness swept over him again, how many times had he longed to tell her how he felt, how many times had she pushed him back? Too many? He was with Annika now; perhaps it was better this way. Better that Kathryn was not there to hurt him again. He wondered if she meant to hurt him… he knew that it wasn't true, but he was just so frustrated with her. He went into his quarters and prepared for bed. He had an early shift on the bridge tomorrow. He needed sleep, but it didn't come easily…  
******  
" You're not alone Kathryn"  
"You have plenty of time to think about it…"  
" He knew the true meaning of peace."  
"There are some barriers we never cross"  
" You want anything recalibrated while you're gone? Carpets cleaned?"  
" Don't die on me Kathryn!"  
*****  
He awoke. It was time to be on the bridge, he was going to be late, and she would be angry. He looked into the mirror, and sighed. Leaving without a sound, it was over, he needed to move on. Kathryn had died. He had to go face the captain.   
  
They sat on the bridge, side by side, like always. But today, not a word was spoken; not a glance was exchanged. Each officer sat and stared out of the viewport. The silence was deadly. Suddenly a noise was heard. It was a cry, that of a child and it was then that Tom Paris became a father, and Earth appeared on the screen, just two light years away.   
  
She looked out at the beautiful planet, blue green oceans, and land. They were home. She was home. A tear slipped down her cheek. It looked so beautiful, so serene and peaceful. " Mr. Chakotay" she managed to choke out: " Set a course for home."  
"Aye, Captain"  
  
Their eyes met, he smiled his first real smile in weeks. To his delight a small, crooked smile appeared, teasing her lips to open into a full fledged grin. For a moment, he saw Kathryn, the woman who possessed his heart.   
  
They landed at Starfleet Headquarters, the reporters swarming the ship, the debriefings piling up. As they stood face to face, he took her hand in his thanked her for everything, and they exchanged a chaste kiss, both going their separate ways, to gather their belongings to start separate lives.   
  
He couldn't accept that.   
  
She couldn't accept that.   
  
"Commander…" she called " Chakotay…" he turned to face her.   
"Yes Captain?" she gave him a look "Kathryn…" he whispered  
" I think that we are making a mistake."  
"How so?"   
" Damn it Chakotay, I'm sick and tired of fighting this… I just want to give up, but I can't. I love you too much to leave you alone with Seven, alone to face the vicious wolves of Starfleet. They'll tare you apart, you and the rest of the Maquis. Please, I can't face them alone, neither can you."  
He looked at her, and took her hand in his.  
" Kathryn, I've missed you… Spirits how I love you."  
"Chakotay." she whispered " Walk out with me."  
Hand in hand they walked into the blazing sunlight, no longer the Captain and Commander, no longer alone, but together as Kathryn and Chakotay. They were free, they were home.   
  
"Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why… folk in those stories had lots of chances at turning back, only they didn't. Because they were holding onto something…" ~ Sam from JRR Toliken's Lord of the Rings


End file.
